In Process…
Every year, people hit themselves or others with sticks, often unintentionally. In the last few years, however, there have been uncountable violent incidents with sticks involving dozens of innocent people, perpetrated by young lone-wolf males of indeterminate origins, but usually white (duh…).
Here are some good rules for proper stick management.
DON’T handle sticks when depressed or angry, or when under the influence,
if you are mentally unstable.
NEVER let the stick point at anything that you are not willing to destroy.
“CLEAR” a stick anytime you touch one, using wet wipes.
DON’T rely on your stick’s safety; these are dangerous weapons, some pointy,
others full of splinters. Use prophylaxis.
BE sure that your stick is clear of any obstructions before use.
KEEP the stick pointed in a safe direction.
ALWAYS wear ear and eye protection.
STORE sticks safely, in locked foolproof cabinets, and away from unauthorized persons.
Most of these rules should be quite familiar to you by now. Regardless of what led to your involvement with sticks, whether you came from a similar psychopathic place as we or not, following stick safety rules is an absolute necessity. Otherwise you may as well stick your stick up your ass.
If you see something, say something. If you see a young man with a stick, say something to him, like “What are you doing with that stick?” If he doesn’t give you a satisfactory answer, then you must challenge him to a stick duel. Unless he has a Stick-R-15, which has a magazine with multiple sticks, fifteen in fact. In this case don’t say anything, just run away. But do write it up later as a vignette for your memoir.
Drugs are not the only thing that can impair your judgment when using sticks. If you are angry, anxious, or depressed, your cognitive and motor function will be altered. In these emotional states of mind, you are not clearly thinking and may make rash decisions about your use of sticks. In these heightened states of emotions, you do not want to be handling a deadly weapon.
If you don’t know if you are mentally unstable, ask your local Jesuit priest, they are experts in mental instability. And, as a bonus, if you do it in confession, they are required to keep your secret. Good luck with that. And don’t say anything about sticks, as that is one of their predilections.
