The Disgruntled Reader Writes of the Jester’s Life (Unedited)
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Letters to Self
Sit yourself down and write yourself a letter. Once in print it might actually acquire the patina of truth. Letter To Self: 1 12 May, 1986 Dear Me, I cannot believe that you are only just now writing to me for advice. What did the doctor say when the skeleton walked into…
Howard’s Third Letter
Hey, Howard… Thank you for the prompt turnaround; you must be spinning still. I will research their equipment on the film. Also, thanks for the tip on Sarah Polley; but I was onto her already. Can’t wait to see it, and then get into her mom’s pants too, if she’s still alive. And Sarah herself,…
Letter to a Fellow Hungarian
Dear Mr. Eszterhas: I just finished reading your book, Hollywood Animal. I enjoyed it immensely: I also have a Hungarian background, and found many hilarious connections with your book. Generally speaking, I have yet to meet a Hungarian that I liked. For various reasons, they are variously arrogant, provincial, or rude. In short, typical European…
A Diary. What Else?
Excerpt from Johnny’s Diary November 1973 Dear Diary: It has been more than seven years since I met Manya on that brilliant fall day in New Haven; it seems like yesterday. Oddly, I haven’t made and kept many friends who are women; yet Manya and I have stayed friends over the years. I can’t…
Father Charles Henry, SJ
(IN PROGRESS) No memoir of ours can be complete without some mention of this man. Sure enough, another priest, a sorry excuse for a man, unsexed and unloved, except maybe by his mom. The SJ part is a reference to the Society of Jesus, to which he belonged, having been ordained a priest by the…
A Personal Essay for a 50th Reunion Class Book
Not everybody gets a second chance in one lifetime. Before I came to Yale, my family of stateless refugee immigrants led a hardscrabble itinerant life; all you had was family. We left post-war Europe for a crummy garage in the suburbs of São Paulo. Ten years later, life in Brazil’s tropical mayhem hadn’t panned out. …
A Letter to a College Classmate
Dear Biff, Thank you for your kind and generous note. It was devastating to learn of your triple by-pass and its attendant problems. It made me infinitely sad, reminding me how fragile our physical presence really is. But medicine these days can work miracles–I am happy that you write of feeling great. That is indeed…
Max
Max did not go gently, and I was not there to help him along. It appears that I needed one last urgent service from his brief life. I negligently let him go out at night (he was always so insistent) in a strange new place, where I dragged him against his wishes. He didn’t want…
Second Letter to Father Becker, S.J.
Dear John, Ave! I finally have the opportunity to reply to your kind, thoughtful, optimistic, and impossibly joyful e-mail. How could you dismiss my mischievous rantings with such gleeful finesse, and completely ignore all the bait I tossed in your path? Good for you, you clever Jesuit. I was pleased that you thought my letter…
Father John Becker, S.J.
Dear Sir: As I begin this letter, I realize that you may not remember me, in which case this whole thing will be very funny, and totally pointless. That would be fitting, wouldn’t it? In any event, I recently stumbled into the Saint Ignatius High School website. I haven’t had any contact with SI since…
Where Have I Been All My Life?
Howard, Of course, I feel like a jackass now. I must have been feeling neglected and sorry for myself that particular day. Please don’t take it amiss. I apologize for being a grinch. As I recall, I was curious about Saint Ignatius High School after, lo, these many years, having realized that the fiftieth anniversary…
János J
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Lotte J
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Mia K
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Second Letter to Howard
Hey, Howard…where d’ja eat? I was in town, too, but left early. Ran out of stuff to do, and got bored and fuckin’ cold. Shoulda called you. Maybe we coulda had a few laffs. Can you tell I took a writing course at SLC? So I saw the NYC Grid exhibit at the Museum of…
First Letter to Howard
Hey, Ho… How delightful to hear from you, after our college trustee spouse reunion and graduation ceremony. I had a great time. Sorry to run off like that, but I couldn’t take the heat. Not to mention the glandular moisture that Julianne Margulies was giving me. I heard that she was totally naked under that…