The Last White European Male Left Standing at Yale Secret Society

Can you spot him? This is a critical Titanic moment, as the waves surround and envelop him.  He is about to go under, forever, into that cold deep watery grave.  As any one of the last-man-standing heroes of history knows all too well, this is a tough place to be, fraught with all sorts of…

The President Announces that the White House Will Move to Jerusalem

The White House July 8, 2024 @ 3 A.M. EST The President of the United States has announced in an early morning news conference today that he has ordered the immediate move of the White House to a location near the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, Israel.  “This is only intended as a convenience to many…

The Projection Booth

Much of my undergraduate career at Yale College was spent inside the film projection booth at 101 Linsley-Chittenden Hall on the Old Campus.  The classroom-turned-screening room was the headquarters of the Yale Film Society, of which I was a member, factotum and primary projectionist.  We ran screenings of films on an almost daily basis, films…

Argentina and Brazil Propose a Common Currency

It is rare that we burst into uncontrollable laughter at the instant that we hear something funny.  On the radio this morning we heard the news that the central banks of Argentina and Brazil have engaged in talks aimed at creating a common currency in order to achieve eventual economic integration. Considering how well these…

Tennis? Anyone?

Take the recent fawning adulation received by Roger F and Serena W on the news of their retirement Gentlemen’s game? Humiliating/Frustrating Brings out the worst in people We don’t get off on it, when we beat an opponent.  And it is especially galling when an opponent beats you, and he clearly gets of on it. …

Whatever Happened to the Old Police Blotter?

The Bethel Police Commission has not published an agenda or minutes of meetings since January 20, 2021; the Bethel Police Department itself hasn’t published any news since 6/12/2018.  And what became of the old police blotter that normally is published in every small town newspaper?  First, the commission meetings.  Bethel residents have no idea what…

Countess of Budapest—Scene 1

THE COUNTESS OF BUDAPEST   CHARACTERS   Johnny, a young man, about thirty Manya, Johnny’s lover, a young woman, about thirty Sissi, Johnny’s sister, a young woman, about twenty Lotti, Johnny’s mother, a woman in middle age, mid-fifties Katya, Lotti’s older sister and Johnny’s aunt, about sixty Vidor, Lotti’s husband and Johnny’s father, about sixty…

Countess of Budapest—Beat Sheet

THE COUNTESS OF BUDAPEST – MetaData   Title: _The Countess of Budapest_ Credit: written by Author: The King of Jesters Source: Notes: Filename: COB-Scene1 09162019.highland Copyright: kingofjesters.com LOGLINE: Indecisive hero must choose between his familiar toxic family headed by his narcissistic grande dame mother, and the unfamiliar lure of a loving, unselfish woman. SYNOPSIS: PAR…

Bethel Post Office “Loses” Our $ 4,500 Property Tax Payment

Postmaster Bethel Post Office Bethel USA Dear Sir or Madam, We have just received a notice from the Bethel Tax Collector informing us that we are delinquent in our quarterly tax payment of $ 4,655.88. We now must pay $153.57 in interest and penalties. Oddly, this mysterious “disappearance” of our tax payment has occurred several…

There is Nothing Green on Greenwood Avenue

Greenwood Avenue in Bethel looks nothing like it did in the nineteenth century: it has no trees anywhere on either side of it.  Our town fathers, and mothers, self-righteously rhapsodize about preserving the town’s “New England character.”  Trees would be a good start in that direction, but since the town is only 80 or so…

The Art and Craft of Stick Maintenance and Safety

In Process… Every year, people hit themselves or others with sticks, often unintentionally.  In the last few years, however, there have been uncountable violent incidents with sticks involving dozens of innocent people, perpetrated by young lone-wolf males of indeterminate origins, but usually white (duh…). Here are some good rules for proper stick management. DON’T handle…

G12 Meeting of Native American Nations

Dateline 1625 Representatives of the twelve great Nations of the eastern seaboard met in conclave today in the wickiups of the Long Island to discuss the most important issues confronting their people, chief among them the existential crisis created by the landings of hundreds of ships with their cargos of unwanted white immigrants. Immigration is…

Letters to Self

Sit yourself down and write yourself a letter.  Once in print it might actually acquire the patina of truth.     Letter To Self: 1   12 May, 1986 Dear Me, I cannot believe that you are only just now writing to me for advice.  What did the doctor say when the skeleton walked into…

A Letter to a Classmate

Dear Mike, I have been wanting to write, to reach out, to you, since our Class reunion and your last communication with some of us on the Committee. Alas, I must write you now on a quite different subject. Dear friends and classmates, our Reunion team,After five weeks of unexpected turbulence, my family has entered…

LE Memoir: Lotte

Lotte could not be challenged, on anything. If you, or it, didn’t conform with her view, either it did not exist, or it was a personal insult. She could ignore anything not on the approved list. (eg. Myra’s announcement of pregnancy…Lotte contonued to speak right over it). It was awesome to behold, and scary…she could…

Romney Up Against the Wall (Continued)

Romney Up Against the Wall (Continued)

[…] JERUSALEM! The arrival of the seven-mile-long motorcade was preceded by the descent on the scene of hundreds of Israeli local police and even more Israeli Defense Forces regulars, bristling with every weapon imaginable, from long sabers to bazookas and shoulder-mounted mortars. Colorful tourists and sombre religious Hasidim were all shooed out of the way…

The Wandering Girl

Story about this girl who loves to read, anytime, anywhere. The last time we saw her, she was wandering around the house, deep in communion with a book. Every few minutes she passed by the windows in the room where we were sitting. We don’t know how many times she went around the house.

Trump fakes news to profit from inside information

The recent stock market gyrations seem to be caused by the imbecile’s daily lip-pursing pronouncements on the economy, or trade tariffs, or war with assorted countries.  We realize that he’s not that stupid, after all.  Of course, he’s trading ahead of his tweets.  This is the real fake news.  He announces tariffs on billions of…

Max

Max did not go gently, and I was not there to help him along. It appears that I needed one last urgent service from his brief life. I negligently let him go out at night (he was always so insistent) in a strange new place, where I dragged him against his wishes. He didn’t want…

THUGS?

The New York Times revealed today that the poor, beleaguered mayor of Baltimore made a reference to “thugs” in the midst of the recent riots.  We immediately thought that she was referring to the police in that fair city, an excusable error on our part.  It turns out that, unbeknownst to us, the term is…

Inequality at Davos?

Wonders will never cease.  From the massive concrete bunkers poured into the once pristine alpine meadows, comes the news that the subject of global income inequality was actually on the agenda.  It’s hard to imagine a lively discussion since no one from the lower 99% was likely to be attending, and we weren’t there either. …

The Countess of Budapest

A Play in One Act Version 3 by JP Morgan   CHARACTERS LOTTI, a woman in her 80s KIRA, Lotti’s older daughter JOHNNY, Lotti’s son SISSI, Lotti’s younger daughter ARMIN, Lotti’s husband KATIA, Lotti’s sister MANYA, Johnny’s wife   And, incidentally, A NURSE INGRID, a disembodied voice from Lotti’s past   THE PLACE: A room…

The Boy and His Barn

The Boy and His Barn   One.   (double page) JUST OUTSIDE A LITTLE TOWN……………………..BEHIND A LONG STONE WALL Long shot of New England style town (church steeples, town square, with a little farm away on the side: a white clapboard house with a red barn behind it, trees, fields, gravel road, stone walls, stone arch…

Hank Paulson Redux, or the Lurch Whitewash

Hank Paulson, known around the house as Lurch, is back in a documentary produced by the Wall Street fellow traveller Bloomberg Businessweek.  It’s called “Hank: Five Years From the Brink,” and extensively features his wife Wendy.  Hank and Wendy are bird watchers, we are told.  Raptors like bird watching too.  Now Hank is back, in…

Afternoon at the Park

NICOSay, Alec, you know we’re really not supposed to be here in this playground. ALECOh, yeah?  Why not? NICOWell, we’ve been coming here for sixty years, and just because our appearance hasn’t changed doesn’t mean we have to come here all the time.  Somebody’s gonna figure it out one of these days.  We oughta be…

The Repo Men

On most days the sun burns off the fog covering Land’s End by mid-morning.  But on that day in 1961, it lingered and thinned, diffusing the sun’s light to a dazzling thick haze.  Even the normally gloomy woods of brooding Monterey cypresses that cover the land on the Point were surprisingly bright.  The light appeared…

Palace Coup at St. Ignatius High School in San Francisco?

September 26, 2013 Dear Members of the SI Community, On behalf of the St. Ignatius College Preparatory’s Board of Trustees, I am writing to tell you about some immediate changes to the membership of the Board. On Wednesday, September 25, 2013, with focus on the mission of SI as a Jesuit school, the Board of…

Comments on our website’s Google Ænalytics Report

We just reviewed our website’s Google Ænalytics report, hoping to find evidence of NSA sphincter snooping.  Alas, nothing.  Nobody ever visits, only the gastroenterologist.  There were a few feeble “hits” from France (go figure) and Durham (New Hampshire?).  The French ones came from some downmarket Paris suburb and others from Marseille, indicating some posssible French…

Alumni Class Notes, or: How to Profit from Government Service

We ran across this item recently in the Class Notes of our alumni magazine: Reed Hundt from his Blackberry: “I just invested in an off-Broadway play, Old Jews Telling Jokes.  Betsy and I attended the opening in mid-May.  Please go often so we can have a hit. We still live in Chevy Chase and I…

The NSA Chronicles (continued)

Howard, I started getting these calls last week… “Abdul?  Abdul?, it’s Mohamid.” “Who?  I think you’ve got the wrong number, sorry.” Click.  An hour later, the same thing.  “Abdul?”  “No, sorry, man.”  Click.  The next morning, “Abdul?”  “Mohamid, listen, you got the wrong…”  Click. This went on for the last ten days, some even in…

Vomit Comet Without a Bag… No, Not the Lexington IRT

The new airline philosophy of everything-has-its-price became terrifyingly clear to me on a recent flight from Paris to New York.  I flew into a panic even before take-off when I couldn’t find the little vomit bag “in the seat-back pocket in front of you.”  And it was nowhere to be found; I looked everywhere.  Anxious…

The Confession Line

The shopworn airplane was packed, every seat was occupied. While the Delta flight from Paris went smoothly enough, everything else about it was a disaster: cheap cramped seats, non-working entertainment system, smelly bathrooms, and food that no one should eat.  On arrival in New York, we barged our way off the plane, and raced through…

Manya’s Soufflé

“It’s red!” I shouted in the delivery room, startling everyone in the place. Dr.  Goldstein, looking down and then up at me, surprised, then glancing over to my wife Manya, who mumbled curses at us in her delirium, joked lamely about a milkman. We both looked down again at the round wet dome between her…

Jordán, János

This obituary is assembled from a variety of sources, mostly recollections from various people who knew him at different times and places. You know how Hungarians always introduce you last name first (see above).  This causes no end of confusion about people’s names.  Try “Mr. János.”  Actually, in the American South Mr. John would work…

The Riviera Café

It is not true that Manya and I never connected.  We did, many years later.  We made children, and created a family and a home.  Wow! My first encounter with Manya represented some form of recognition.  No, alas, not a hunger, really, but something more inevitable, something that could be satisfied, that harmoniously fell into…

Samantha Power, great name, but you’re no Maureen O’Hara

Aye, she’s a bloodthirsty wench, isn’t she?  Ms. Power’s hyperactive conscience would have her do some bloody cleansing of her own.  Send in America’s military might once again to right all the wrongs that this messy world perpetrates.  Let’s bomb the Syrians, who are committing such atrocities.   But which Syrians?  And whose side are they…

The Killing of the Dove

He stayed behind in the garage/basement of that grim, brightly painted San Francisco box house, rooted in place, trembling and terrified by her anger, until she had climbed the inside stairs, and closed the door of her mother’s apartment, turning off the lights as she went.  In the darkness, he could hear her angry steps…

The Snot-nosed Boy

Brasil, early to midfifties, on the sixth floor of a newish apartment building in São Paulo. Lilo brings a boy my age, same complexion, into the apartment.  He was probably some Hungarian kid, the son of one of their numerous fellow Hungarian refugees.  She was probably just taking care of it, as a favor to…

Terminus

This is it, the end of the line, as far west as you can go on this continent, at the western terminus of the #2 Clement Street bus line of the San Francisco Muni Railway.  Do they still call it that? He returned to Land’s End, finally, from a long and uneventful exile, drawn back…

The Curse of the Jesuit

Draft   Back to Land’s End Stories: Contents Page   Saint Ignatius High School Stories:  Charles Henry, S.J. To this day, nearly fifty years after the event, Father Henry’s gratuitous act of spiritual violence still astonishes me.  Out of nowhere, he served up one fantastic moment of revelation: that a priest could be so casually…

End of the Line

     The fog was like gray cotton, suffocating. I knew the sunlight was up there somewhere and the dark ocean somewhere below, but all around me everything was gray. I could see the ground around me, of course, and the nearby trees, but the light was muted, and the sound was dimmed; it was all…

Hunger III

We still talk occasionally, though it is now several decades later. Our children know each other, having attended some of the same schools over the years, and the same social gatherings of various acquaintances. Yet, to this day, I’ve never mentioned it; neither has she. I’m not really sure it ever happened.  It still saddens…

Liselotte Heidi Ebinger Jordan

This obituary is lovingly assembled from various accounts given by her children, friends and various relatives and acquaintances.  But no single piece of writing could possibly do justice to this complex, exasperating, and disturbed adversary. Liselotte J., known throughout her life as “Lilo”, died on August 28, 2007, at the age of 88 or maybe…

Romney Exercises His Right to Vote

Dateline: Jerusalem                                                             Sunday, July 29, 2012    AMERICAN REPUBLICAN MORMON PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MAKES PILGRIMAGE TO JERUSALEM’S WESTERN WALL Willard Mitt Romney and his enormous entourage of American Secret Service and Israeli Mossad agents, along with dozens of news-media reporters, were observed today at Jerusalem’s Western Wall, also known as the Wailing Wall….

My First Car

I used to drive a Ford Pinto. I even boasted about its road-handling abilities. And about how its two-liter engine block had a high nickel content, though I wasn’t sure what that meant. And how I was going to bore it out, and put a four-barrel Weber carburetor on it. And torsion bars on the…

Hunger II

I live just a couple of blocks away from Manya now, in a two-bedroom apartment above the Riviera Cafe.  Each bedroom is barely larger the bed in it, so there is no need to buy any other furnishings.  At night, the rattle of the train underneath Seventh Avenue is muffled by the noise of the…

Hunger

It was on one of those fall men’s college weekends that I first met her.  I did not know then that the course of a life could change forever, in the briefest of instants, though the change didn’t become fact until many years later. The light from the sun came at sharp angles, making long…

AnneMarie Ebinger Kulcsar

Obituary assembled with little editing from candid interviews with various people who knew and had experiences with AMK over many years and places. Anne Marie K. was born in Prague in 1916 to Hans Ebinger and Daniela Marky.  The family lived with Mia’s maternal grandmother, the imperious Teresa.  Teresa, who had worked for Mia’s grandfather…

Party Animal

Chapter Seven I had by now come to dread every occasion when Manya’s work required me to appear at some function, a cocktail party or a dinner, as the trailing spouse. Dread, as in full-blown, dry mouth, gut-churning panic, like getting on an airplane, when flying is not your favorite thing, or like pushing long…