THE COUNTESS OF BUDAPEST
CHARACTERS
Johnny, a young man, about thirty
Manya, Johnny’s lover, a young woman, about thirty
Sissi, Johnny’s sister, a young woman, about twenty
Lotti, Johnny’s mother, a woman in middle age, mid-fifties
Katya, Lotti’s older sister and Johnny’s aunt, about sixty
Vidor, Lotti’s husband and Johnny’s father, about sixty
Younger Johnny, Johnny as a teenager, about sixteen
Scene 1
Setting – Connecticut
A simple, modest kitchen, with walls on the left and right. In the middle of one wall is a door leading to the basement, placed and sized to be clearly noticeable. The basement light is evidently on, as it can be seen in the open doorway. We hear voices and the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs.
Time:
Sometime after the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989.
INT. KITCHEN – EVENING (1989)
Johnny and Manya enter the kitchen from the basement door, leaving the door ajar and open, and turning off the light, so that there is darkness beyond the doorway.
JOHNNY
Now you’ll see, that basement light is going to go on all by itself.
MANYA
And we’re going to stand here, watching and waiting? All night?
JOHNNY
You don’t believe me. I’ll prove it to you. You just wait. It won’t be long.
(Johnny begins food preparations)
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
While I make you dinner. The way to a woman’s you-know-what is through her stomach.
MANYA
(Setting the table)
About last night—
JOHNNY
Nothing happened. I don’t want to talk about it. Not important.
MANYA
But it is. Important. Sometimes it doesn’t work.
JOHNNY
Have you seen Max? Is he up on the roof again?
MANYA
All right, it’s not important. But since we’ve been talking about children.
JOHNNY
You’ve been talking about children. Evidently, after last night, that’s not meant to be. Besides, we have the cats. Who needs children?
MANYA
Forget I mentioned it. What about Christmas then?
JOHNNY
Christmas is a lot of hooey. You know I don’t believe in that stuff. What’s with you and Christmas?
MANYA
I know what you think of Christmas, but we’re going to see your family for Christmas, remember?
JOHNNY
I forgot.
MANYA
I know you have. I know you.
JOHNNY
I wish you wouldn’t ask me. I didn’t want to think about it.
MANYA
But, Johnny, I have to know. So I can take time off from work.
JOHNNY
You don’t really want to go, do you?
MANYA
Of course I do. I go where you go.
JOHNNY
But it’s such a long trip. And you don’t have that much time.
MANYA
(Theme Stated)
I love you, Johnny, and everything will be all right, as long as we’re together.
JOHNNY
Don’t you have to train the new associate that you were telling about?
MANYA
Not really. He’s well-prepared, quick and he’s got a good mind.
JOHNNY
Oh, a paragon of virtue. Do I really need to hear about this guy?
MANYA
I know you would like him too.
JOHNNY
I doubt it.
(A rustling at the open door, but the doorway remains dark.)
JOHNNY
What was that?
MANYA
I didn’t hear anything,
JOHNNY{{%m}}
Quiet!
MANYA
Johnny!
JOHNNY
What? I’m sorry.
MANYA
Johnny, did your mother call today?
JOHNNY
No. Yes. How did you know?
MANYA
Because I know you.
JOHNNY
You’ve met her.
MANYA
Yes, and she is perfectly delightful and charming.
JOHNNY
Right. That she is. She’s nagging me about Christmas. And I don’t want to go. And now you.
MANYA
It’ll be fine. It’s Christmas!
JOHNNY
She wants an answer. And a NO will NOT work.
MANYA
And now you can’t ignore it anymore.
JOHNNY
Good luck ignoring Lotti and Vidor.
MANYA
Vidor. In all this time, why didn’t you tell me you had a father?
JOHNNY
You didn’t ask.
MANYA
That’s absurd. Everybody has a father. I have to ask? I thought he had died or something. What’s there to hide?
JOHNNY
Like you said, everybody has a father. Besides, it’s not your problem.
MANYA
Having a father is not a problem, is it?
(Phone rings)
JOHNNY
Don’t answer that!
MANYA
Johnny, what…?
JOHNNY
(picking up phone)
What do you want?
(pause, hangs up)
Some salesman.
MANYA
You thought it was Lotti. You’re all worked up over this.
JOHNNY
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
MANYA
And you haven’t told her you’re leaving the bank.
JOHNNY
I did, sort of, but sometimes she doesn’t listen.
MANYA
Johnny, you’re going to write your book. We have enough to live on. She’ll see how committed you are to this. She wants the best for you. You know that.
JOHNNY
She has other ideas for me, for us.
MANYA
Us?
JOHNNY
Not us, for her family, I mean.
MANYA
Johnny, we’re your family now.
JOHNNY
And Max too?
MANYA
Especially Max.
JOHNNY
That’s better.
MANYA
We will visit in San Francisco for Christmas, and have a good time. All will be well. And when she calls again, you’ll agree.
JOHNNY
OK, fine, if that’s what you want.
(pause)
I worry about Max.
MANYA
Why?
JOHNNY
He’s too curious. Always exploring. Restless.
MANYA
He has you to protect him.
JOHNNY
I just want him to stay close. And us? Are we going to be all right?
MANYA
Johnny, you ask me that almost everyday. Look at me, Johnny. Yes, we are going to be all right. Nobody can stop us.
JOHNNY
That’s easy for you to say.
MANYA
Easy because I know, and I’m here to protect _you_.
(phone rings and Manya picks up)
MANYA
Hi, Lotti, how are—
(pause)
Yes, he’s right here.
JOHNNY
Hi—
(pause)
Yes, yes, we’re coming on Thursday.
(pause)
OK.
(to Manya)
She hung up.
MANYA
Well, that settles that, I guess.
(A noise from the basement)
JOHNNY
Shhh! What was that?
(Quiet. Suddenly an audible click and the light goes on in the doorway. Johnny and Manya drop everything and run to the doorway and peer through)
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
Max!
MANYA
Max?
JOHNNY
Look. He’s eating his dinner, calm as you please.
(to Max)
OK, Max, so you don’t like eating in the dark.
MANYA
What civilized, self-respecting cat would? We’re just not as smart as he is.
JOHNNY
(mimicking Max, puts his hands around his mouth)
“It’s the pull-string, stupid.”
(to Manya)
Have you ever tried eating in the dark?
MANYA
That could be messy. But there are other things that we can do in the dark.
LIGHTS FADE, BASEMENT LIGHT IN DOORWAY STAYS ON
END OF SCENE
